6:30am: Woken up by my husband as he leaves for a twelve-hour shift at the hospital. He left shaving cream all over the sink for me to clean up.
7:00am: Woken up (for good this time) by my daughter treating me to breakfast in bed which included half a glass of warm iced tea and a banana with the ABCs written on it (because as my daughter says, “Everything is better with the alphabet”).
7:05am: Before I can even peel the alphabet banana, my daughter asks me to make her chocolate waffles for breakfast.
8:00am: Kitchen is finally cleaned up after making chocolate waffles. Just as I’m about to peel the ABC banana, my daughter spills milk all over the table, some books, herself, and the dog.
8:25am: Started a load of laundry and was met by the smiling face of my daughter telling me she had the perfect Mother’s Day planned for me. Her itinerary had one item only: play her favorite pretend game, bear family.
11:00am: After two and a half hours of being the voice of twenty different stuffed animals, I requested a break from my captor, I mean, my daughter.
11:15am: I finally got to take a shower. Shower was interrupted approximately four times by my daughter asking if she could have M&Ms for lunch. Almost fell on my rear after tripping on the two tennis balls the dog had left outside the shower for me.
11:45am: My daughter and I head to the hospital to have lunch with my husband (the hospital cafeteria is where most of our holiday meals take place).
11:46am: My daughter informs me that since it is Mother’s Day, I can pick the radio station we will listen to, as long as it is Radio Disney.
12:01pm: Lunch comes to an abrupt stop when my husband is paged to an emergency. I clean up the lunch mess and my daughter and I go home.
12:20pm: I inform my daughter that she is obligated by law to allow me a fifteen minute break. We haggle for a bit then settle on an agreement: she will watch twenty minutes of Frozen and I will get to read for twenty uninterrupted minutes.
12:25pm: My daughter turns the TV up as loud as it will go because, “You love this song, Mommy, and you don’t want to miss it!”
12:30pm: I give up on reading when my daughter asks if we can go play miniature golf together.
1:00pm: I get hit in the head with a misguided miniature golf club and get a not-so-miniature headache.
1:15pm: I almost got to sit down and eat that ABC banana then the neighborhood kids came over and asked my daughter to play. My daughter said brightly, “Mommy, you can relax while I play with my friends.”
5:00pm: I spent the afternoon ‘relaxing’ while pushing the kids on the tire swing, chasing the kids up and down the street in some weird princess/dog/volcano game, breaking up little fights, and running back and forth to get water and snacks for everyone.
5:30pm: I make dinner for my daughter and set a plate aside for my husband when he gets home. I cut myself a piece of cheesecake for dinner because, hey, it’s Mother’s Day and I made the damn cheesecake, so I’m going to eat it.
5:32pm: Just as I’m about to have a bite of cheesecake, the dog throws up all over the carpet.
6:00pm: Having given up on life in general, I get my daughter a bowl of M&Ms and put on Frozen.
7:45pm: I cleaned up all the coloring books and Play-doh, fed the dog, swept the floors, finished the laundry, and did the dishes. My husband came home and gave me a hug. I think I growled at him.
8:30pm: I read my daughter six different books in six different accents and I kissed her goodnight.
8:35pm: I am so relieved that the day is over. I go to the kitchen for a snack and see the ABC banana on the counter. Tears well up in my eyes.
8:38pm: I hear my daughter calling for me. I walk into her room and she is sobbing. I ask her why she is crying and she says, “Today was the best day ever and tomorrow I have to go to school and I am going to miss you so much!”
9:45pm: I sit down and feel like the world’s worst mother because the same day that I saw as pure frustration, my little girl saw as the best day ever. I alternate sobs with bites of cheesecake and tell myself I will try to be a better mommy tomorrow.