Monthly Archives: September 2014

Garlic and Lady Parts

I’m thinking about buying stock in Panera. Who is the genius behind this place? It’s bread and free wifi—how could life get any better than that? I love spending the morning at Panera. I get my favorite cinnamon crunch bagel with hazel nut cream cheese, find a cozy table, set up my computer, and pretend […]

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IKEA: It’s Swedish for “Build it your Damn Self!”

An IKEA store has just opened near me. All of my friends are so excited. Everyone’s eyes gleam at the thought of an airport-sized store filled completely with unassembled Swedish furniture. They’re new to the world of IKEA and don’t know what headaches await them in that Swedish wonderland. But I do. I lived twenty […]

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Barbie. I try really hard to hate her, always looking at me with those perfectly painted blue eyes and that molded plastic smile—I just know she’s judging my non-coordinated outfit and my fully jointed limbs. But then I see her deformed little feet and I just can’t be angry at her. Especially when Mattel makes […]

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